Sales Robot IRI-Millennia Opens Gates Of Hell

The IRI Millennia Robot is a salesrobot now available from International Robotics, Inc. It is an adult-size multilingual interactive robot that is able to communicate with any age, social, ethnic or cultural group in any type of environment.


(Robot salesman from IRI)

For now, the IRI Millennia Robot relies on flesh-and-blood IRI spokesman Robert Doornick to chant its wonders:

The Millennia is able to overcome the fears and anxieties that limit many human communicators. This allows the robot to act as an effective PR, marketing, advertising, promotional, educational or entertainment tool. In addition to a very sophisticated remote control system used for live interaction, the robot is programmable for automated presentations, with new presentations able to be transmitted wirelessly via the robot’s on-board Wi-Fi connectivity. Just trigger the corresponding command, and the Millennia will gladly oblige, supporting a Keynote Address, Press Conference or exhibit, complete with speech, motions, music and audio effects.

“We operate our robots according to well-defined and well-proven parameters in human psychology and communication,” said Doornick. “Our robots have been designed based on 35 years of pioneering research. It is all based on science and a well-proven technique. After many years of experience using our adult-size multilingual Communication Robots in clinical and educational environments, we have learned to bond rapidly with people while removing the typical stress, suspicions and defense mechanisms often associated in a human-to-human interaction,” explains Doornick. “This is particularly true in the highly competitive business, consumer and political environments of our modern day world.”

Eventually, of course, the robot will sell itself:

"I am sure, Mr. Morris, you would like to own me. I am reasonably priced and fully guaranteed... I cannot conceive of taking no for an answer..."

"Get out of here," Morris said evenly. "Get out of my house and don't come back."

"I'm not your [robot] to order around. Until you've purchased me at the regular list price, I'm responsible only to Self-Regulating Android, Inc. Their instructions to me were to the contrary; I'm to remain with you until you buy me."
(Read more about sales robots from Sales Pitch, by Philip K. Dick [1954])

Sure, one of these robots would probably be cute. But what happens when every company in America has thousands of these salesrobots coming after you? Don't bother straining your imagination; Philip K. Dick can clue you in:

Robot-salesmen were everywhere, gesturing, pleading, shrilling. One started after him and he quickened his pace. It scurried along, chanting its pitch and trying to attract his attention, all the way up the hill to his living-unit. It didn't give up until he stooped over, snatched up a rock, and hurled it futilely. He scrambled in the house and slammed the doorlock after him. The robot hesitated, then turned and raced after a woman with an armload of packages toiling up the hill. She tried vainly to elude it, without success.
(Read more about sales robots from Sales Pitch, by Philip K. Dick [1954])

Read the IRI Millennia robot press release for additional terrifying - no, make that charming and sales-worthy - details.

Scroll down for more stories in the same category. (Story submitted 10/13/2007)

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