Transparent Aluminum Used To Make Tinfoil Hats
Tinfoil hats, once the protective devices of choice for paranoids and the merely prudent alike, have become little more than a crude joke in recent years. The facts behind these "jokes" are only now coming to light.
The fact of the matter is that the government, the CIA, and the little people who skip gaily between the saucepans in my kitchen cupboards had developed new technologies that made traditional tinfoil hats obsolete. Scientists and engineers, many of whom work for the government, know this to be fact (even if not made public), leading them to use "tinfoil hat" as a term of derision for people who felt that it was possible to protect precious brain matter inexpensively.
However, recent advances in protective technology have resulted in the use of transparent aluminum in these hats.
Science fiction fans will recall that "transparent aluminum" allows visible light to pass, but is an otherwise solid and impermeable barrier. The formula for transparent aluminum was traded for thick plexiglas panels to help whales escape safely into the latter part of the 23rd century in Star Trek IV.
Although the name "transparent aluminum-foil hat" does not have the same kind of catchet as "tinfoil hat", its acronym TAFT (Transparent Aluminum-Foil haT) is in fact the name of our 27th president, a powerful protective symbol for the American people. His average weight while in ofice, 333 pounds, invokes protection from the Masonic order, and wearing two hats doubles his weight to 666, warding off evil of all kinds.
The obvious advantage of transparent alumnium-foil hats over the original tinfoil hats is that you can wear them and not be seen wearing them, even in public. Below are reproduced some pictures of prominent Americans wearing their TAFTs. Note that these photographs have not be doctored or tampered with in any way. The individuals themselves may have been doctored or tampered with, or both, but not their pictures.
As you can see, our nation's political and cultural leaders were the first to outfit themselves with these protective devices. Tinfoil hats made of transparent aluminium, sometimes thought to provide even greater protection, will be made available in the U.K. later this year.
If you feel the immediate need to learn more about TAFTs, or would like to be transported safely into the 23rd century to a culture of universal tolerance and caring, be sure to contact these organizations:
Sypathetic and Caring Metallurgists for a Better World
Our Friend Bauxite
Active Metallic Headgear for your Active Lifestyle
Happy April Fool's day!
Scroll down for more stories in the same category. (Story submitted 4/1/2004)
Follow this kind of news @Technovelgy.
| Email | RSS | Blog It | Stumble | del.icio.us | Digg | Reddit |
you like to contribute a story tip?
Get the URL of the story, and the related sf author, and add
Comment/Join discussion ( 3 )
Related News Stories -
3D Printed Fashion - Plastirobes And Transdresses
'... dial a new fashion every day!' - Niven and Barnes, 1992.
ThreeForm 3D Scans And Digitally Simulates Customer Fashion
'...A miracle of misapplied engineering caused his own face to appear on the illustrated figures dressed in trooper red.' - Harry Harrison, 1965.
Safilo Brain-Sensing Eyewear
'they all relaxed and got mellow....' - Philip K. Dick, 1977.
The Sheep Look Up In Beijing
'The hungry sheep look up, and are not fed...' - John Brunner, 1972.
Technovelgy (that's tech-novel-gee!)
is devoted to the creative science inventions and ideas of sf authors. Look for
the Invention Category that interests
you, the Glossary, the Invention
Timeline, or see what's New.
PassivDom 3D Printed House - What If You Could Live Anywhere?
'The houses are prefabricated units...'
Breakthrough In Manufacture Of Red Blood Cells
This blood's for you!
Caihong Solar-Powered Drone 'Atmospheric Satellite'
'... placed in the wings of a plane to generate power from the light falling on that surface.'
NASA Wants Low Earth Orbit Wifi
'This was the center of Interplanetary Communications.'
Is Genetic Testing At Businesses A Bad Idea?
It's not a topic that fares well in science fiction movies-
Wearable Smart Jacket
He pressed the button in his sleeve communicator and snapped: 'Action stations!'
Store One Bit On One Atom
'...each individual molecule has a meaning.'
Fluorescent Bacteria Fashion
'The racks of gowns itched and quivered, their colors running into blurred pools.'
Keith Laumer's Bolo Autonomous Tanks Right On Schedule
'I cannot lie idle under attack.'
When Computers Develop Their Own Language, Will They Talk To Us?
'The curious absent look of a robot talking on the TBR circuits - the Talk Between Robots radio...'
LipNet Reads Lips - Until Disconnected, That Is
'We'd have to cut his higher brain functions... I'm not sure what [HAL} would think about that.'
Eterni.me - To Skype With The Dead
'Nothing... left of Jeserac but a galaxy of electrons frozen in the heart of a crystal.'
Wearable MRI Is Former Occulus/Facebook Exec's New Project
'Your cephalochromoscope... that you always turn on and play when you get home...'
Ford Stratasys Infinte Build 3D Printer
'He proudly indicated his Buick... Almost as good as the original it was printed from...'
The Space Suit As Personal Spaceship
'Darn clever, these suits...'
Dune Fans! Your God Emperor Is Ready
'If one held a sandtrout in the hand, smoothing it over your skin, it formed a living glove.'
More SF in the News Stories
More Beyond Technovelgy science news stories