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"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket."
- George Orwell
 |
| Rex Regenerator (Mechanotherapist) | ||
| Mechanotherapy device cures homicidal urges. |
Elwood Caswell was quite mad; but, fortunately, he knew he had a problem and went straight to the 43rd Stree branch of Home Therapy Appliances, Inc.
| "...What have you got for homicidal
mania?"
The clerk pursed his lips. "Schizophrenic or manic-depressive origins?" "I don't know," Caswell admitted, somewhat taken aback. "It really doesn't matter," the clerk told him. "Just a private theory of my own. From my experience in the store, redheads and blonds are prone to schizophrenia, while brunettes incline toward the manic-depressive." "That's interesting. Have you worked here long?" "A week. Now then, here is just what you need, sir." He put his hand affectionately on a squat black machine with chrome trim. "What's that?" "That, sir, is the Rex Regenerator, built by General Motors. Isn't it handsome? It can go with any decor and opens up into a well-stocked bar. Your friends, family, loved ones need never know--" "Will it cure a homicidal urge?" Caswell asked. "A strong one?" "Absolutely. Don't confuse this with the little ten amp neurosis models. This is a hefty, heavy-duty, twenty-five amp machine for a really deep-rooted major condition." "That's what I've got," said Caswell, with pardonable pride. "This baby'll jolt it out of you. Big, heavy-duty thrust bearings! Oversize heat absorbers! Completely insulated! Sensitivity range of over--" "I'll take it," Caswell said. "Right now. I'll pay cash." |
| From Bad Medicine,
by Robert Sheckley. Published by Not known in 1956 Additional resources -
|
Here are the directions for proper use:
Unfortunately, Mr. Caswell was in a hurry, and took the model off the sales floor. Which was intended for use by Martians. Who can't even process the concept of homicide. This turns out to be a problem.
To Operate All Rex Model Regenerators:
And that's all! Your Regenerator will do the rest! There will be no
language bar or dialect problem, since the Regenerator communicates by
Direct Sense Contact (Patent Pending).
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